


green tea candy

by asiannoodles



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, Slice of Life, changki, endgame kiho, kiho, showki if u rlly squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 22:24:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11838225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asiannoodles/pseuds/asiannoodles
Summary: Changkyun thinks the green tea candies Kihyun always carries around are pretty gross tasting. But if it's for Kihyun, he'll eat as many as he can.Otherwise known as, Changkyun growing up in love with Kihyun. But unfortunately, it's not the same the other way around and Changkyun is always trailing a couple years behind.





	green tea candy

Changkyun first met Kihyun when he was five years old. Kihyun was ten years old at the time and had just moved into the neighborhood. Changkyun’s immediate reaction had been that Kihyun was so handsome and pretty. Perhaps he hadn’t gotten a good look, since he was staring at him from behind his mother’s legs, but Changkyun was very sure that Kihyun was attractive. He blushed when Kihyun waved at him.

It was later when the adults had gone to the kitchen to cut some cake and Changkyun was left to play in the living room did they first speak to each other. Changkyun was playing with his toy cars while lying on his belly, since that was the prime position for optimal car racing.

Kihyun was watching him from the living room entrance, ignoring the sounds of whatever cartoon the parents had turned on to appease them both. After a few moments, Kihyun walked over slowly and sat down next to him.

“Hi,” he said.

Changkyun looked up briefly before turning back to his cars. “Hi,” he responded.

“Can I play with you?”

“If you want to,” Changkyun told him casually.

Kihyun looked at the cars but didn’t pick any up, opting instead to just look at Changkyun curiously. “I’m Kihyun,” he said after a minute.

Changkyun looked up and nodded. “I know. Your parents told me!” 

Kihyun smiled and laughed. “Right,” he said. “How old are you, Changkyun?”

Sitting up, he obediently held out his hand and announced, “Five! I’ll be six in January.” 

“Wow you’re such a big boy,” Kihyun giggled. His eyes lit up for a moment like he remembered something and he reached into his back pocket. He pulled out a tin foil wrapped piece of candy and handed it to Changkyun. “Do you want a candy?”

With a soft gasp, Changkyun sat up quickly and nodded, his eyes trained onto the shiny foil. Kihyun laughed as he unwrapped it and placed it in Changkyun’s open palm. He popped it into his mouth, a grateful smile on his face when he froze.

He didn’t know what kind of candy Kihyun gave him, but it tasted bitter and awful and how could it even be considered candy? He tried to keep a straight face as the candy clacked around his mouth.

Kihyun laughed at his grimace, ruffling his hair affectionately. “Do you like it? It’s green tea candy. It’s one of my favorites.” 

Changkyun swallowed around the candy and smiled brokenly. “It’s good.” 

With a loud laugh, Kihyun threw his arms around him and hugged him tightly. “You’re so cute, Changkyun!” he exclaimed. 

The candy tasted slightly less bitter after that. 

  
  
  
  


Changkyun asked Kihyun to marry him a year later.

“Why do you want to get married?” Kihyun’s arms were crossed against his chest, his eyebrows creased with confusion. 

Changkyun also frowned, his small hands making large gestures. “Because I can’t be your husband if we’re not married!”

“But you can’t be my husband  _ and  _ my baby,” Kihyun responded.

They were in Changkyun’s backyard, playing underneath a big tree that never grew any fruit despite having blossoms in the spring. Kihyun always came over since it was summer and neither of them had school. They liked to play house and more often than not, Kihyun would always be the dad and Changkyun would be the baby. But he was tired of that now — he wanted to be Kihyun’s husband.

“But I want to be your husband,” he exclaimed. “I don’t want to be the baby anymore.”

Kihyun thought for a moment then shrugged. “Okay,” he said with a grin. “How are you going to marry me?”

“Don’t we just… get married?” Changkyun asked with a small tilt of his head.

“No, you have to propose first! That’s what they do in all the movies and that’s what my parents did.”

“What’s a proposal?”

Kihyun shrugged. “You have to tell me you want to marry me, I think. We haven’t learned anything about it in school yet. And you have to give me a ring! It’s tradition.”

“Hm.” Changkyun hummed to himself. “Okay. Do you have anything I can make a ring with?” 

Kihyun rummaged into his pockets and pulled out one of those green tea candies wrapped in tin foil. He said that was all he had and Changkyun took it from him, opening the candy and twisting the tin foil wrapping into a small band. Kihyun put the candy into his own mouth as Changkyun knelt down onto the dry, summer grass.

“Yoo Kihyun!” he announced. “Will you marry me?” 

Kihyun laughed as he stared own at him. “Why?” 

“Oh, uh.” Changkyun hadn’t expected that response. “Because… I want to marry you.”

With a light laugh, Kihyun said, “Okay!” 

Kihyun might have been eleven but Changkyun was the one who thought he was cuter despite their age difference. He slipped the shiny little band around Kihyun’s finger and held his hand. “Now we’re married!” he said exclaimed. “Now what?”

“We have to kiss, don’t we?” Kihyun told him matter-of-factly, “Otherwise we’re not really married.” 

“Oh, uh.” Changkyun squirmed in his spot, bringing up his hand to scratch his head. He was only six, he’d never kissed anyone before. “If you say so…” he said apprehensively. 

He closed his eyes and puckered his lips like he had seen everyone do in the princess movies. When he heard Kihyun laugh he peeked one eye open to see that the other boy was laughing at him. He would have begun protesting in embarrassment but Kihyun kissed his own hand and then placed it onto Changkyun’s mouth.

“There!” he said happily. “We’re married.”

Kihyun continued to play house after that, acknowledging Changkyun as his husband instead of his baby. And Changkyun decided that day that someday, he wanted to kiss Kihyun for real.

  
  
  
  


Kihyun was fifteen when got his first boyfriend. He was in high school now, a wholly different school that was so far from Changkyun; a physical couple blocks away from each other. It was weird to see Kihyun in a sea of older students these days since all Changkyun saw him as was a friend (and maybe something a bit more in his little nine year old eyes, if he were honest.)

Changkyun had been on his way home after a long day at school, coming home late because of robotics club. The sun was nearing dusk as Changkyun ran towards Kihyun’s home to tell him all about his day’s adventures. But as he reached Kihyun’s house, he skidded to a stop because there on the front lawn was Kihyun, sitting on a blanket with a  _ boy _ . A boy who had an  _ arm  _ around his shoulders.

“Oh, Changkyun! You’re back from school!” Kihyun had said excitedly as he stood up. The boy behind him followed suit, shifting his weight awkwardly. “Come here! I want you to meet someone.”

Changkyun walked towards him obediently, his eyes flickering between Kihyun and this random boy he had never seen before. “Hey,” he said.

“This is Hyunwoo. We go to school together,” Kihyun said with a smile on his face. Changkyun resisted the urge to sulk because usually Kihyun only smiled like that when he talked about him. 

“Hyunwoo,” Kihyun said, looking at the other, “this is Changkyun! My neighbor.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Hyunwoo said with a small smile. He held out his hand to Changkyun and grasped it firmly. Changkyun noticed that he was big and strong — much more than he would probably ever be. 

“Hi,” Changkyun responded with a raised eyebrow. “So are you here for, uh, a project, or something?” 

“Oh,” Kihyun interjected, his cheeks turning slightly pink. “No, uh, Hyunwoo is my boyfriend.”

_ Boyfriend _ . The word already felt salty on Changkyun’s tongue and he hadn’t even said it out loud yet. He suddenly felt so small next to the two of them. His voice was too high in comparison and he was so skinny. “Oh,” was all he could say. 

Kihyun had suggested to take Changkyun to the park after that and neither he nor Hyunwoo could say no. The walk was a bit awkward with Changkyun striding in between them, but he could sense that they were talking to each other above his head. He sighed to himself — when would he grow quickly also? 

“So,” Hyunwoo said, trying to converse. “What grade are you in, Changkyun?”

“Third!” Changkyun said proudly as he avoided all the cracks on the sidewalk. “I’m a third grader.”

“Oh, wow, third grade?” Changkyun thought that Hyunwoo was trying to sound excited but his excitement seemed to fall flat. “I remember when I was in third grade back in the day… good times.” Kihyun smacked Hyunwoo then, who recoiled playfully. “Hey, I’m trying, okay?” 

Kihyun rolled his eyes and turned his attention towards the younger boy. “Changkyun, do you want a candy? I just bought a bunch more the other day.” 

Under normal circumstances, Changkyun would have most definitely said no because the taste of that green tea candy was the last thing he needed in a situation like this. But before he could decline the offer, Hyunwoo spoke up saying, “Ew, that green stuff? That stuff tastes like the sewer, how could you give that to kids?”

“I like it!” Kihyun answered back dutifully. 

“Yeah,” Changkyun said suddenly. “Me too. I like it.” 

Kihyun smiled at him, ruffled his hair and stuck his tongue out at Hyunwoo. “See that! I’m not the only one who likes it.” He reached into his pocket and handed Changkyun a candy, watching proudly as he unwrapped it and placed it into his mouth obediently.

Hyunwoo watched in amazement, a simple, “wow” leaving his lips softly. And truth be told, Changkyun still hated it, it tasted like sewer, just like Hyunwoo described. But Hyunwoo didn’t like the candy so maybe if Changkyun liked it, it would be some sort of reason as to why Kihyun would like him more. It seemed small, but if it would give Changkyun the upper hand versus Hyunwoo, then he would eat as many green tea candies as it took.

When they reached the park, Changkyun ran off immediately to play on the jungle gym, the candy tucked into his cheek. He was hanging from the monkey bars giddily as he turned to yell at Kihyun to look at him.

He really wished he hadn’t looked though because when he did, he witnessed Kihyun and Hyunwoo leaning in briefly to kiss each other.

The candy in his mouth tasted a little more bitter than usual that day.

  
  
  
  


It turned out that Kihyun and Hyunwoo broke up a couple months later over something stupid like Hyunwoo not asking Kihyun to prom. Hyunwoo was a whole grade higher than him so if he didn’t ask, Kihyun wouldn’t be able to attend since he was only a sophomore. And apparently, Hyunwoo had asked someone else to prom. Changkyun thought it was all a little silly, but it seemed to be important to Kihyun.

“It’s stupid!” Kihyun said, his eyes flaring angrily as he bunched up the grass underneath his hands. Changkyun sat beside him underneath the big tree in his backyard. “And you know what’s really annoying? He asked Minhyuk to prom before he broke up with me! So obviously he was planning to break up with me anyways!” 

Changkyun hummed, awkwardly playing his hand on to Kihyun’s shoulder to act as some sort of solace. “That’s bad…” he murmured. 

“It is!” Kihyun fumed. He kept talking as if Changkyun would understand his problems; as if his third grade neighbor had any idea how to handle his problems. “I’m not even mad that he’s not taking me to prom, I’m more mad that he might have been talking to Minhyuk behind my back! I don’t know what I expected from a high school relationship. I should have never believed him when he said he loved me.” 

“I’m sure he did though,” Changkyun insisted half heartedly. “He must have, right?”

Kihyun buried his head into his hands. “I don’t know, Changkyun. I really don’t know.”

Changkyun looked around for something that could make Kihyun feel better. He didn’t have any ideas really, everything that used to make Kihyun feel better when they were kids didn’t seem to work anymore. Not after Kihyun suddenly got taller and his voice suddenly got deeper. But if he knew one thing that would always work, it would be those terrible green tea candies.

So Changkyun reached into Kihyun’s pocket (much to his confusion) and pulled out a shiny covered candy. He handed it to him earnestly and explained, “I think candy will make you feel better.” 

Kihyun stared at the candy in his palm and let out a laugh after. With a warm look in his eyes, he reached over and threaded his fingers through Changkyun’s hair. “Thank you, Changkyun. Thank you so much.” Kihyun smiled at him warmly. “I wish you and I were the same age sometimes,” he told him softly. “Things would be so much easier.”

Changkyun didn’t know much, but he did know that he wanted to take Kihyun to prom. That and he still wanted to kiss him

  
  
  
  


They do kiss eventually although it wasn’t what Changkyun expected or intended. It was the night after a neighborhood Christmas party. Changkyun’s house, which had been filled with laughter and merry wishes from dozens of people, was now quiet in the aftermath as he and Kihyun sat out in the backyard, on top of the gnarled roots of the tree. Kihyun was a senior now, freshly eighteen and Changkyun was twelve.

They were drinking flutes of cider as they digested the big Christmas dinner. Changkyun figured that Kihyun had probably slipped some alcohol down his throat at some point during the night because he was so drowsy and he wasn’t making much sense. But the silence between them was comfortable and Changkyun didn’t see a need to purposely break it. But he did anyways.

“How did you do on your finals?” he asked.

Kihyun shrugged, his head rolling back to rest on the tree behind him. “Alright, I suppose. Passing.”

Changkyun smiled. “That’s good. Are you going to go to prom this year?”

“I’ve got to, it’s my last one!” Kihyun replied with a chuckle. “I can’t believe I’m graduating in a few months.”

“Do you have a date yet?” 

Kihyun opened his eyes to answer. “Yeah, I do. I think someone on the football team promised to take me.” He looked over to Changkyun with a smirk forming at the corner of his lips and a teasing look in his eyes. “Why? Did you want to take me?”

Changkyun covered up the blush that creeped up onto his cheeks by inserting an awkward chuckle. “I can’t take you, I’m too young.”

“Ah right, that’s true.” Kihyun hiccupped and giggled. “Make sure you go to your proms, okay?”

“I promise.” Changkyun grinned at him. “You know, if you were younger, I’d ask you to prom when I become a senior.” 

Kihyun laughed as he sat up and reached over to Changkyun with both his hands, trapping his face between his two palms. “You’re adorable, Changkyunie. You know that?” He giggled airily. “You’re so cute.” 

Changkyun scrunched up his nose because even though Kihyun was so close in proximity, his breathe smelled so sour. He  _ must  _ have had some alcohol.

“Were you drinking?” Changkyun asked with a grimace. 

Kihyun laughed at fell a little forward and Changkyun had to steady him with his own hands. “Only a little!” Kihyun insisted. “I shared a few bottles with some of the other boys after we opened presents.”

Changkyun laughed as Kihyun smiled dumbly and said, “You’re not old enough to drink, you know. Next time I’m going to tell your parents.”

“Aw, no!” Kihyun whined, his face falling dramatically. “You can’t tell my parents, Changkyunie!  _ Mm-mm-mm  _ never,” he sang as he shook his head.

“Oh yeah? And how are you going to stop me?” Changkyun joked.

Kihyun pouted as he looked, his hands tightening on Changkyun’s face. “How am I going to stop you...” he murmured. “I could give you something.”

Changkyun scoffed softly, laughing as Kihyun steadied himself. “Give me what? Your candy can’t save you from this situation.”

Kihyun seemed to stop and think, tilting his head to gauge Changkyun’s expression. And then suddenly he was leaning in, his eyelids fluttering closed and Changkyun jumped slightly in shock. Had he sat still, Kihyun’s lips probably would have landed on his cheek like they were most likely supposed to. But because he had shaken, Kihyun kind of missed and had placed a kiss right on his lips. 

He tasted like fruit juice, pumpkin pie and green tea candy. It was a disgusting combination but somehow it still tasted slightly sweet, but maybe that was just Kihyun.

When Kihyun pulled away, his eyes were sparkling and he was smiling. “You know, that kiss was for your cheek, right? And now that I gave it to you, you can’t tell my parents! Deal?”

“...Deal,” Changkyun stammered out. 

Kihyun fell asleep a bit later, his head resting on his arm as he laid down on the grass. Changkyun couldn’t sleep though. And he wouldn’t be able to sleep for many nights to come because Kihyun had just  _ kissed  _ him. And it was so soft and gentle, it made Changkyun wonder what it would have been like if Kihyun had kissed him because he wanted to.

(Kihyun had woken up the next day nearly screaming because one, he had just kissed a  _ twelve-year-old _ and two,  _ he  _ was an adult. Changkyun had jokingly promised not to press charges for statutory rape, but that didn’t ease Kihyun one bit.)

  
  
  
  


The first time Changkyun’s heart broke was at Kihyun’s graduation. He had been so excited sitting on the bleachers, screaming out Kihyun’s name as it was called up and jumping up and down excitedly. Kihyun had looked so wonderful also. He was positively radiant as he clapped for his fellow classmates and cheered during the speeches and walked to receive his diploma. Changkyun thought that there was no other moment that Kihyun had glowed so brightly than when he had confidently walked up to receive his diploma. His shoulders were heavy with leis and tassels and he had never looked more breathtaking. 

After the ceremony ended, Changkyun had nearly sprinted down the bleachers and onto the field where all the graduates and their families were mingling and taking pictures. It took all of his self control to not push people out of the way to find Kihyun. At least, as much self control a thirteen-year-old could have.

He had run so quickly across the field and navigated so quickly through the masses of people that he was the first one to get to Kihyun and he almost wished he hadn’t. Because as gorgeous as Kihyun looked in his navy gown and cap, he was talking to another student whose hands were around his waist. His eyes absolutely sparkled as the athlete lifted him into the air and pressed a kiss onto his lips. Changkyun had frozen on the spot, unable to move any closer.

Huh. He didn’t even know Kihyun had a new boyfriend.

“Changkyunie!” Kihyun had exclaimed when he spotted him. He beckoned him over and Changkyun shuffled over obediently. Kihyun introduced him to his new boyfriend then, but Changkyun never remembered his name.

“I made a lei for you,” Changkyun spoke, glad to steal Kihyun’s attention away even for a moment.

Kihyun’s eyes lit up as he grinned. “You did?”

“Yeah,” he replied, smiling back. He pulled out a handmade lei made of dollar bills that had been shaped into flowers, alternating with the easily recognizable tin foil wrapped candies.

The reaction on Kihyun’s face was so lively and happy as he bent down to let Changkyun loop it around his neck and pile it on top of all the other leis. He had laughed so happily, exclaiming that he loved green tea candies.

“I know,” Changkyun had said.

The rest of the afternoon was spent taking pictures and as much as Changkyun loved it, he hated it because Kihyun would lean over to his new boyfriend for a kiss in between all the snapshots. 

His heart healed a little bit after he found out that they had broken up a few months after they started to attend college.

  
  
  
  


Changkyun’s second heart break came faster than he would have liked. He was fifteen now, a sophomore in high school and practically an adult! And he was planning to surprise Kihyun at his university dorm since he hadn’t been able to come home as of late. Usually he came home and Changkyun was able to see him nearly every other month for at least a weekend, but this past year Kihyun had only come home during term breaks. Changkyun was missing him a lot, feeling the emptiness over texts and wanting to see Kihyun in person especially after his robotics team had placed first at nationals. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Kihyun’s face.

He had taken a light rail train at dusk up to Kihyun’s university. And after that he had very little trouble finding his dormitories and which roomed he stayed in. (It was obvious since he had a little whiteboard outside his room with his and his roommate’s name printed on it neatly.)

Changkyun knocked on the door and it was swung open by someone he assumed was Kihyun’s roommate. “Does, uh… Yoo Kihyun live here?” he asked because maybe he had gotten the wrong room.

“Uh, yeah…” the roommate had answered slowly. “He definitely rooms here. Why?”

“Oh, I’m his neighbor from his hometown,” Changkyun said almost proudly. “I’m here to visit him.” 

The roommate stepped aside, allowing Changkyun to enter the room. “Oh, you can wait inside his room for him, I guess. I’m  Kwangji, by the way. His roommate.”

“Yeah.” Changkyun nodded. He had heard that name before when Kihyun would occasionally complain about him over messages. “Is Kihyun not here? I thought he got out of his Friday classes in the early afternoon.”

Kwangji scratched his head as he lead Changkyun to Kihyun’s room. “Oh, yeah. Usually he goes out at night on Fridays. I mean sometimes he stays home to take naps and watch Netflix shows but most of the time he’s out and about. Here’s his room.”

Kihyun’s room was probably the size of a shoebox. A small bed was pushed into the corner with wrinkled sheets pulled over it. The room was still relatively clean and but there were books strewn all over the floor. Changkyun smiled because it was so obviously Kihyun’s room.

“So, uh, how old are you again?” Kwangji asked him as he settled down on Kihyun’s bed.

“Fifteen,” Changkyun responded casually, looking around the room curiously as he pulled his legs up onto the bed. “I’m a sophomore in high school.”

“Right…” Kwangji murmured. “Anyways, I’ve got somewhere to be, so will you be fine here by yourself? Since you’re a minor and all…” 

Changkyun smiled up at him and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I’m sure Kihyun will be back soon.” 

Kwangji stared at him for a moment before nodding and heading out. The dorm was quiet with just Changkyun there so he pulled out his phone to check his social media pages and play games to pass the time. It wasn’t long before the sun set and the room grew dark since he didn’t bother to turn on the lights.

Since it was dark maybe Kihyun would let him stay the night instead of making him catch the last train home. Kihyun had mentioned letting some other people sleep with him in his dorm before and surely Changkyun would be perfectly fine also. And then in the morning he would wake up to Kihyun making pancakes and watching cartoons while wearing his Gudetama pajama pants and —

Changkyun jolted up awake when he heard the front door of the dormitories slam closed. He sat up groggily and looked around in confusion because he didn’t remember falling asleep at all. But he woke himself up quickly and swung his legs over the edge of the bed so that he could hug Kihyun with warm open arms. It didn’t matter how late it was, he was always excited to see Kihyun.

His hands froze on the edge of the mattress though because in the silence of the room he could hear the sounds of gasping and panting coming from outside. There were sounds of rustling, sounds of grunting and more and Changkyun hoped with wide eyes that it was Kwangji who had come back and not Kihyun.

But his worst fears were proven true the second he heard voices floating towards the room.

“Your roommate isn’t here right?” a deep voice asked.

“No, no.” Kihyun’s voice said breathlessly. “Kwangji is always gone on Friday nights.” A gasp.

The two voices were coming closer and Changkyun wanted to run or hide or  _ something _ . But there was nowhere to go in this shoebox sized room so Changkyun had no choice but to brace himself. 

A chuckle came from the other voice. “Not like I would have cared if he was here or not anyways.”

The scream that came out of Kihyun’s mouth when he entered his room and found Changkyun sitting on the bed was a mix of something terrified and shocked. Changkyun looked up at him guiltily, biting his lips as he tried not to stare at how Kihyun looked because Kihyun looked wrecked and gorgeous. His wide eyes were rimmed with liner, his shirt was half open, his hair was styled and mussed and his lips were swollen. 

“Changkyun?!” he exclaimed, his breath heavy as his eyebrows furrowed. 

Changkyun looked away and cleared his throat. “Hi…” 

Kihyun gawked at him, his mouth wide open as his hands fell away from the shoulders of the man he had been holding. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to surprise you,” he mumbled quietly.

“Who’s this?” asked the man next to Kihyun.

Kihyun glanced at him briefly before turning his attention back to Changkyun. “My neighbor,” he said. “Back from where I grew up.” 

“What’s he doing here?”

“I… I don’t know,” Kihyun told him. He sighed.

The man looked over to where Changkyun sat and raised an eyebrow. “Is he here to join us?”

Kihyun was quick to refute the very idea. “Absolutely not! He is a minor and a high schooler.”

“Then why’s he here?”

Changkyun bit his lip to hide the growing turmoil inside his chest. He felt so outcasted in this situation, so out of place. It was silent for a few moments before Kihyun let out a sigh and started buttoning up his shirt.

“Look, Hongbin, obviously there’s been a change of plans so you’re going to have to leave.”

“What?” Changkyun glanced up to see the look on the other boy’s face turn into one of annoyance. “I didn’t wait for hours and drive all the way here for you to kick me out last second!”

“Well, neither did I!” Kihyun snapped. “I’m sorry, okay? We can go out drinking again and we’ll see where the night takes us then. But for now, you’ve got to go.”

Changkyun watched as Kihyun pushed his date all the way out the door, protesting the whole way. He came back to his room and looked at Changkyun who stared at the floor embarrassedly. 

“Alright,” Kihyun said firmly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Tell me why you’re here.”

Changkyun swallowed as he gripped the edge of the bed. “My robotics team won today…” he muttered, “and I wanted to tell you in person.”

Kihyun ran a hand through his hair, walking over to sit down next to Changkyun with a tired sigh. “What am I going to do with you,” he said softly. He looked out the window where the moon was big and bright in the sky. “How did you get here?” 

“Took the light rail.”

“The light rail?” Kihyun took out his phone, checking the time with wide eyes. “Changkyun, the last train left hours ago! Were you planning to stay the night over at my dorm?” 

“I-I… I don’t know.” 

Kihyun stood up then, grabbing a jacket and keys from the corner of his room. “Let’s go. I’ll drive you home.” 

“What?” Changkyun looked up in slight shock. “It’s nearly a three hour drive from here to home—!”

“One and a half since it’s one in the morning and there’s no traffic. Now get your stuff and let’s go.” 

The car was quiet with the two of them sitting there. With the way Kihyun kept breathing out of his nose and gripping the steering wheel as he focused on the road, Changkyun could tell very easily that he was mad. The only sound between them was the sound of the engine revving quietly and Kihyun’s foot as he stepped on the pedals. 

Forty minutes later, Changkyun mumbled out a soft, “Sorry…” 

Kihyun glanced over at him briefly before turning his attention back to the road. “You don’t need to apologize,” he said. “It’s not your fault you were excited to see me or anything. I haven’t been home a lot lately so I should be the one to apologize for making you feel like you had to visit me.” 

“It’s alright.” Changkyun felt a weight lift off his shoulders but tension didn’t lift from the situation.

“You shouldn’t have come up to my school though, Changkyun.” Kihyun huffed through his nose. “You shouldn’t have waited up for me or come to my room — you  _ know  _ better than that. You’re only fifteen, you’re too young to understand all the stuff that goes on around here so you shouldn’t—”

“Was that your boyfriend back there?” Changkyun interrupted suddenly.

“What?”

“That Hongbin guy. Was he your boyfriend?”

Kihyun threw a glance in his direction before turning his focus back to the road and exhaling through his nose. “No.” 

“Then why was he there?” Changkyun’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Changkyun—”

He cut in, “If he’s not your boyfriend, then why was he there? You’re saying I should know better but what about you?”

“This is what I mean, Changkyun! My personal life is none of your business and you are in way over your head just by coming here! You can’t just expect me to be here whenever you want me to! You can’t just come into my dorm and sit on my bed and expect me to give you candy because—”

“Because you’ve got college boys now, right?” Changkyun suddenly retorted, his eyes narrowing. “Because you’ve got all these college boys and you’re so busy having fun on Friday nights. You don’t have time for me.”

“Changkyun, I did not say that.”

“But that’s what you meant, isn’t it?! It’s fine, Kihyun! You have college boys! Mature boys! Not me! I get it, so it’s whatever.” 

“Changkyun—”

“You’re surrounded by all these men so why would you need me, right?”

“ _ Changkyun _ , do  _ not  _ put words into my mouth,” Kihyun warned.

The menacing tone cut off all potential conversation and the silence returned, only this time it was deafening and it hurt a little too. In that moment, the difference between them was too great. Changkyun noticed that the difference in their maturity was so overwhelming, it made him feel like a child all over again and he hated it. 

The rest of the drive was tense and silent and when Kihyun dropped Changkyun off at his home, his mouth tasted bitter. It turned out, jealousy tasted of those awful green tea candies.

  
  
  
  


They apologized to each other after a few days with text messages and emojis and Kihyun promising to come back more often to grab lunch together and to go on coffee dates. He kept his word pretty thoroughly and soon the gap that was cast between them began to gradually fill up. Eventually, after numerous coffee dates and lunch outings, they were back to being close like the way they were before.

The older Changkyun got, the less prevalent his crush on Kihyun became. Not to say it got smaller, because Kihyun still had a tight hold on Changkyun’s heart, whether he knew it or not. And Changkyun often wondered why he let the object of his affections be the boy who probably wasn’t even aware. He wondered why he loved Kihyun so much even though there was a part of him that knew he could never have him. But the older he got, the less Changkyun felt the need to act on his crush impulses. He allowed his affection to take a backseat as he focused on school and on having his own adventures.

But it was moments like this when Kihyun had fallen asleep on his shoulder while watching cartoons that Changkyun thought, hey, maybe there was room for him in Kihyun’s heart after all.

  
  
  
  


By the time Changkyun was eighteen, Kihyun had already graduated college and moved back in town. He lived in the city now, in an apartment with his current boyfriend only fifteen minutes away. The thought of Kihyun having a boyfriend didn’t bother Changkyun as much anymore. (But it still made his tongue slightly salty whenever he said it out loud.)

He was on his way to Kihyun’s apartment, excited because this would be the first time he visited his apartment. Normally Kihyun would drive back to their neighborhood to hang out or to take him somewhere so being invited to Kihyun’s apartment was the most exciting thing that had happened to Changkyun in some time. He drove all the way into the city, wondering if he should have brought a housewarming gift of something. He decided that no, he didn’t need to because Kihyun had been living there a few months now. That and his current boyfriend didn’t seem like the type to accept things like housewarming gifts. Changkyun had met him a couple times before when Kihyun brought him over. He was alright. Maybe a little rude and sometimes seemingly overbearing, but alright. 

Or at least, Changkyun thought he was alright until he arrived at their apartment building. The building was nice — nicer than Changkyun expected anyways. But when he arrived at the correct door number, the sound of yelling and crashing was coming from inside. Changkyun’s heart skipped a beat as he double checked the apartment number because maybe he was at the wrong one. But according to Kihyun’s text, he’s right where he’s supposed to be.

He knocked on the door loudly, listening as the fighting inside quieted. “Kihyun?” he asked. “Kihyun, are you in there? It’s me.” 

There was quiet and then the sound of footsteps coming towards the door. It opened to reveal Kihyun, his eyes tinged red and his cheeks stained with dried streams of tears. “Changkyunie,” he breathed, pulling a smile onto his face. Changkyun noticed immediately that it didn’t reach his eyes.

Changkyun looked over his shoulder to see boyfriend standing in the middle of the room, his face angry and his arms crossed. “Is this a bad time, Kihyun? Because I could come back another day if that’s better.”

“No, no,” Kihyun insisted, opening the door wide to beckon Changkyun to enter. “I invited you over as a guest, you should stay and come inside.” He turned around to glare at his boyfriend. “And we  _ never  _ send a guest away.”

His boyfriend glowered at him, stalking off to the kitchen as Changkyun took off his shoes. He looked around and the first thing he noticed was how messy the place was. Clothes and pillows were strewn all over the floor but Changkyun had the nagging suspicion that they hadn’t been there a long time. In fact, they looked like they had just been thrown around.

“Sorry about the mess,” Kihyun apologized, wringing his hands nervously. “Let me just pick up. Uh, are you thirsty? There’s juice in the kitchen.”

“Oh—” Changkyun stammered. He glanced into the kitchen where Kihyun’s boyfriend was standing. 

“Jiho will pour you some juice,” Kihyun said as he began picking up clothes off the floor. “Right, Jiho?” 

Kihyun’s boyfriend looked over from the kitchen and sent Changkyun a sharp stare. “Sure,” he said. “Come over here, kid.” 

Changkyun coughed and cleared his throat. He looked to Kihyun because maybe he could tell him to sit down on the couch instead of hanging out in the kitchen with his boyfriend because  _ honestly _ , he didn’t like his boyfriend that much. His boyfriend was nice enough on the surface but Changkyun never felt comfortable around him. He got the feeling that he didn’t like Changkyun that much. 

But Kihyun didn’t speak up to stop it and Changkyun didn’t want to make his boyfriend angrier than he already was so he shuffled over to the kitchen where he was sent judgmental glances every few seconds.

“How have you been?” his boyfriend asked.

Changkyun shifted his weight as he watched Kihyun’s boyfriend pull a glass out of a cupboard and slammed it onto the counter. Kihyun glared at him from across the room and his boyfriend glared right back. “I’ve been good,” Changkyun responded as an attempt to break the tension. 

The boyfriend looked back at him and poured a glass of juice. “Glad to hear it.” He didn’t sound happy to hear it at all. “How old are you again?”

“Eighteen.”

“Exciting,” he deadpanned. 

“Yeah,” Changkyun agreed quietly. “Just waiting for college acceptance letters now.”

“Oh good. Maybe Kihyun will put out more with you around less.”

“ _ Jiho! _ ” Kihyun snapped.

His boyfriend slid Changkyun the glass of juice and turned towards Kihyun, raising a casual eyebrow from his spot at the kitchen island. “I’m sorry, did I say something offensive?” 

Kihyun narrowed his eyes. “You  _ did _ , Jiho.”

“It’s only offensive to you because it has to do with your precious kid, doesn’t it?”

“I didn’t say that!” Kihyun spat. “And you and I are not going to fight right now because we are in front of a guest and it would be inappropriate to do so.”

“Oh, really? You don’t want this kid to know that he’s the reason you haven’t been putting out?” He glanced over at Changkyun and stated, “Drink your juice.” He turned back to Kihyun as Changkyun followed his orders obediently. “He’s why you’re acting like such a prude today, isn’t it?”

“Changkyun has nothing to do with that, don’t you dare bring him into this!” Kihyun exclaimed loudly. His eyes were hard and angry as he shouted, “I’m not obligated to have sex with you just because you’re my boyfriend!”

His boyfriend scoffed. “As my boyfriend,  _ you  _ should know when I like it and it’s been  _ you  _ who’s been using him as an excuse —  _ Jiho, let’s visit Changkyun back at the neighborhood! Jiho, let’s buy some food for Changkyun and eat it with him instead! Jiho, we can’t have sex now because Changkyun is coming over!” _ he mocked in a high voice. “Bullshit!” Changkyun could feel his fist tighten around the cup in anger. Seeing Kihyun get treated like this was making him upset.

“We haven’t been having sex because I haven’t been wanting to and I _ said no! _ And if I say no that means we are  _ not  _ going to have sex!” Kihyun retorted. He looked as if he was about to cry and Changkyun thought that he really would with how misty his eyes were getting. “And Changkyun’s got nothing to do with that!”

“That’s such a load of shit.”

Kihyun glared at him angrily. “It’s not! It is  _ not  _ a load of shit and you know it!”

His boyfriend let out a humorless chuckle as he pointed at Kihyun menacingly. “You’re always acting like a prude around this kid, Kihyun, like you’re setting some sort of example. All innocent around your neighborhood folks as if they don’t know what a slut you really are!”

Kihyun’s eyes widened as his posture dropped. “ _ Don’t _ call me that,” he said in a low voice. “I’ve told you before to not call me that.”

“Oh, so I see it’s  _ you  _ making the rules here now?!” His boyfriend laughed at him darkly and Changkyun felt fury burning the backs of his eyes. “You don’t want to be called a  _ slut  _ that bad even though you are one?”

“Jiho, stop it!” Kihyun cried out in frustration, his body tensing up all over again.

“It’s interesting, isn’t it? You don’t want to be called what you really are.”

Kihyun clenched his fists together, angry tears beginning to drip down from his eyes. “I said to stop, Jiho!” he screamed. 

“I’ll stop calling you a slut once it stops being true!”

Changkyun didn’t know what came over him, but suddenly he was slamming his cup down onto the counter and pushing Kihyun’s boyfriend back with both of his hands. “He said not to call him that!” he snapped, watching Kihyun’s boyfriend’s eyes widen as he stumbled a few steps back.

Kihyun yelled out Changkyun’s name in shock as he recollected himself. The anger in his head dissipated as quickly as it had flared and he was left staring at the aftermath of his rash actions. Kihyun’s boyfriend stared at him in astonishment, unable to move while he was momentarily stunned. Then his eyes hardened and Changkyun could do nothing but try to appease him.

“Uh, I’m… I didn’t—” he whispered.

“What the  _ fuck!” _ Kihyun’s boyfriend shouted. He looked livid that Changkyun, some teenager, had tried to push him. His jaw tightened as he stalked towards Changkyun menacingly. “What kind of shit are you trying to pull here, kid?” he hissed.

Changkyun was going to try and defend himself, to try and tell him that was an accident. But it was hard to call it an accident when Changkyun had done it very deliberately. Before he could say anything though, Kihyun’s boyfriend was pushing him against his chest with so much force, Changkyun nearly tripped as he was cornered against the counter. 

“You just try to push me?” the boyfriend barked menacingly. His hands raised up again threateningly above Changkyun’s head.

_ “Woo Jiho!” _ Kihyun shouted.

Changkyun’s heart hammered wildly in his chest but before he could even flinch, Kihyun appeared between the two of them, standing his ground stubbornly. He pushed back against his boyfriend and Changkyun could see that his hands were shaking in anger.

“You don’t ever touch this boy,” he said, his voice low and venomous. “Do you understand me? You never,  _ ever  _ lay your hands on this boy like that again!” His voice began to raise, scratching as it reached its limits. “I don’t care if you hit me but you don’t ever hit Changkyun! You can hurt me all you like but you will  _ never  _ hurt him! You don’t ever touch this boy!” he yelled angrily. “Don’t  _ ever  _ touch him!” 

His boyfriend scowled at him, looking at how Kihyun was standing there like he was waiting to be challenged, and after a tense pause he turned and walked away scoffing. 

“This is some actual bullshit,” he spat. “Some real  _ fucking  _ bullshit!”

Kihyun followed him, shouting, “Get out! I want you out of my face and  _ out  _ of my home!”

“You want me to get out?!” he yelled back. “Then have it your way! I’m leaving!” 

“You better, Jiho! You get your sorry ass  _ out  _ of here!” 

He picked up keys and a jacket, stomping out of the door and spat, “See if I ever fucking come back!” as he slammed the door shut loudly.

The silence after that was deafeningly calm and quiet. It was like everything had come to a complete still and they sat there, stuck in time. Changkyun felt so out of place and even slightly guilty for feeling like he possibly triggered this whole mess. But the other part of him was angry because if that asshole felt free enough to say those things to Kihyun’s face while he was there, then he must have said worse things to him behind closed doors. Changkyun wondered if that asshole had ever threatened to hit Kihyun before like he had with him. And Changkyun wondered how long Kihyun had put up with this kind of sick treatment until now.

Changkyun had a lot of questions, but he had to push them all aside because the most important thing at the moment was Kihyun. He could hear Kihyun crying from the kitchen and knew that it was important that he was there for him even though he was in just as much shock. 

So he gently walked over to the front door where Kihyun was sat on the floor, crying into his elbows, and sat down next to him. He sat there quietly, unsure of what to say, because what could he really say? “I’m sorry,” Kihyun whispered between his cries, “that you had to see all of that. That you had to hear all of that. That’s not what I wanted when you came over today, Changkyunie, I’m so sorry.”

“It… It’s okay,” he said in an attempt to comfort. He placed his hand around Kihyun’s shoulder, bringing him in close so that their arms touched. “It’s not your fault.”

It was quiet for a few more moments, nothing but the sound of Kihyun crying permeating the air. 

“Does he make you cry like this often?” Changkyun asked softly.

Kihyun sniffed, looking up at him. “Not on purpose,” he said.

Changkyun met eyes with him and tightened his grip on his shoulder. “Does he hurt you? Physically?”

Kihyun searched his eyes for a moment before looking away. “Not on purpose,” he mumbled.

Changkyun sighed heavily and retracted his arms, fiddling with his fingers. It was quiet for another second before he murmured out, “He doesn’t deserve you.”

Kihyun laughed at that, wiping away at the tears in his eyes with the heels of his palms. “Yeah,” he chuckled. “I know.”

“Then why did you stay with him?” Changkyun asked him, almost imploringly. “Why do you stay with that asshole if he treats you so bad?”

“I don’t know,” Kihyun whimpered with a smile as he pulled his sleeves over his hands. He hugged his knees close to himself and continued, “I guess I just… I just liked having someone by my side. I know it’s hard to believe after that display but he took care of me, he really did. And it was nice, you know? Not having to take care of myself all the time. It was nice to not be the only one looking out for myself for once.” He sighed as he leaned his head back against the door. “It’s so nice.”

Changkyun swallowed, the pity and guilt eating at his heart alive. He tightened his fingers over the fabric of his pants and quietly said, “I… _ I _ could take care of you. I could move in with you and get a job while going to school. I’ll be here to help you.” His voice sounded so small and meek to his ears. “I’ll help pay rent and I’ll make you soup when you’re sick.”

Kihyun chuckled at his statement. “Thank you, Changkyun. I appreciate that.” He closed his eyes and leaned down onto Changkyun’s chest. “But I can’t ask that of you.” 

“Why not?” Changkyun asked softly —  _ dejectedly _ . “I could do it.”

“You know, Changkyun, I’m sure you could. You  _ could _ , but you won’t.” Kihyun opened his eyes to lock gazes with him. “You won’t because I’m not going to let you focus yourself on taking care of me. I want you to go to college and do what you want to do without me in the picture.”

Changkyun felt his heart give out a little bit as he spoke again, his voice hardly above an audible whisper. “But Kihyun… I want to take care of you. I  _ can  _ take care of you.”

Kihyun shook his head and laughed, the sound resonating against the base of Changkyun’s throat. “No, Changkyun. It’s okay. Don’t worry your head over me, I’m not worth all that to you.”

“You are worth it,” Changkyun said so softly, he didn’t think Kihyun even heard it. 

“That’s not what I want. I want you to grow up and doing what you want.” Changkyun felt himself deflate because Kihyun still thought he had to grow up — that he wasn’t even an adult. “So don’t worry about me. Don’t you worry about me because that isn’t what I want,” he repeated.

Changkyun ran his fingers through Kihyun’s hair comfortingly. “What do you want, Kihyun?”

Kihyun smiled as he relaxed underneath Changkyun’s touch. “No one’s ever asked me that before. I’ve never thought about it.”

It was quiet for a few minutes as Kihyun thought about his answer. After some time, he spoke up with a soft voice.

“I just want someone who will really love me. I want someone to hold me in their arms and be able to kiss everything better when it’s not. I don’t want someone perfect, I just… I just want someone who will call me theirs and be satisfied. Someone who just wants me and nothing else.” 

Kihyun’s breathing began to shake and Changkyun realized he might have started crying a bit more again. Changkyun wanted to tell him that it could be  _ him _ , that  _ he  _ could love Kihyun and no one else, that he could kiss Kihyun’s tears away if he just  _ asked  _ him to.

But instead he said, “Yeah. I want that for you too.”

Kihyun sniffled as he lifted his head to look at Changkyun. “I’ll find that someday, right?” he asked. Changkyun had never seen him so vulnerable before. His hands shook as they curled into Changkyun’s sweater. “I’ll find a relationship like that and be happy with it. And someone like that is out there for me. Right?”

Changkyun stared at his face to take it all in — the way Kihyun looked with glittering tears at the edges of his eyes and wetness on his cheeks. The way he looked with a smile full of hope and eyes full of doubt. 

Changkyun guided his head to rest on his shoulder and patted him warmly. “You’ll find someone like that,” he reassured. “Definitely.” 

Kihyun fell asleep like that on his shoulder, exhausted from crying his pent out feelings out. Changkyun carried him to his bedroom and tucked him in and made sure he was as warm and cozy and possible. He looked so small in a bed made for two people but now he looked safe and at peace. Changkyun thought that maybe he could lay down next to him and keep him warm as his sniffles died down and as his cheeks dried. And Kihyun could wake up in his arms and realize that Changkyun was all he needed.

But Changkyun knew it wasn’t his place to do that. If he wasn’t what Kihyun needed then he wouldn’t force himself there. So instead he just left a glass of water and a little green tea candy on the nightstand. 

Smiling down at him, he ruffled Kihyun’s hair affectionately. “You’ll find someone,” he told Kihyun as he slept soundly. “I know you will.”

He bent down to kiss Kihyun’s forehead gently and then left.

  
  
  
  


Changkyun wasn’t surprised when Kihyun really did find someone. 

The college Changkyun went to ended up being farther than Kihyun’s so he could only come back around holidays by plane. Kihyun had promised to pick him up at the airport when he came home for Christmas break his freshman year of university and when he landed, Kihyun wasn’t alone.

There was a man next to him with black hair and pale skin. He had large shoulders that were visible even underneath his leather jacket. He was resting his arms around Kihyun’s shoulders, hugging him from behind warmly as he rested his chin on his shoulder. His smiles were warm and his eyes were soft and Changkyun was slightly taken back the first time he saw him. 

Kihyun had run up to him and put his arms around him affectionately and Changkyun had lifted him off the ground in excitement. Kihyun cupped his face enthusiastically, his eyes forming little crescents as he grinned, welcoming Changkyun home after a long semester.

“I’m glad to be back,” Changkyun said as he brought his hands away to grab the luggage at his side. “I missed you.”

Kihyun smiled. “Me too.” 

At that moment the man who was hugging him earlier walked up to his side and looped his arm around Kihyun’s waist. “Babe,” he said. “I don’t want to rush you but the car is waiting and we kind of parked illegally so…”

“Oh, right,” Kihyun gasped. He pulled at Changkyun’s hand as they began rushing down the terminals. “Changkyunie, I want to introduce you to someone.” And from the way his eyes flickered to the dark haired man walking in front of them, Changkyun knew exactly what was coming.

His name was Hoseok and he was Kihyun’s new boyfriend. Well, Changkyun didn’t know if he was still considered new if it had already been about four months. They had started dating a few weeks after Changkyun left for his fall semester. Changkyun had smiled, congratulating him and telling how happy he was for him but he couldn’t help but feel that tugging at his heart again.

The ride from the airport wasn’t quiet in the least. Hoseok was so bright and enthusiastic, asking Changkyun all sorts of questions and letting Changkyun ask him things in return as well. The man practically exuded all types of warmth despite Changkyun having been slightly intimidated from his build alone. Apparently they had met because Kihyun still kept in contact with Hyunwoo from high school because of his best friend Minhyuk, despite the short falling out they had over Hyunwoo. But the story went that after Kihyun had kicked his old boyfriend out, Hyunwoo’s friend had been looking for a place to stay after a job transfer to their city and Kihyun needed help paying rent. So things worked out and he and Hoseok became flatmates and the rest was history.

Kihyun interjected every once in awhile with his own comments and stories and Changkyun couldn’t ignore the way his eyes lit up every time he spoke to Hoseok. It was really clear to Changkyun that this guy, this Hoseok, might be the relationship Kihyun had been searching for. 

His thoughts were only confirmed when Hoseok asked for a candy at a red light and Kihyun fed him one of those disgusting green tea candies. But Hoseok grinned at him sweetly, thanked him, and continued conversing with Changkyun.

When they got back to the neighborhood, Kihyun suggested that Changkyun freshen up and then they could all go do something together. But Changkyun turned them down politely under the excuse that he was tired from his short flight and wanted to rest and then spend the rest of his day catching up with his parents. Kihyun had given him a reluctant goodbye and a quick hug and Hoseok gave him a firm handshake, saying how nice it was to meet him. 

Changkyun went home and laid in bed for the rest of the day with a sinking feeling in his stomach because even though he did like Hoseok, he was feeling like a stupid nine-year-old all over again. 

  
  
  
  
  


It turned out that Hoseok was kind of perfect. He was so kind, always putting Kihyun’s needs before his own. He always made sure Kihyun was walking on the inside of the sidewalk and that he had eaten all his meals that day. He looked at Kihyun the same way Changkyun did except that instead of looking from afar, he could hold Kihyun up close in his arms, cuddle with him on weekends and kiss his forehead whenever he wanted.

But Hoseok was so cool also. He was always interested in what Changkyun had to say and had such good advice for getting through college. (Hoseok had also apparently gone to the same university Changkyun was attending and they shared stories over some professors that they both knew. Kihyun would roll his eyes at them whenever they both sang the alma mater out loud, yelling their mascot’s name loud and proud.)

So despite Changkyun liking Hoseok a lot, he also hated him for being so perfect. Not perfect, perfect for Kihyun. That’s what he really hated him for — being so unforgivingly flawless to him and Kihyun. It was unfair. 

  
  
  
  


Changkyun figured his heart couldn’t break any more than it already had, but he proved himself wrong. 

He was back at home, celebrating his twenty-first birthday during winter break at a bar with all his friends and family. And Hoseok was being so damn cool, guiding him through his first shots and cocktails and making sure he didn’t black out. They were surrounded with laughter and games and Changkyun was having so much fun, he didn’t realize he felt a little sick until after he downed a shot of whiskey.

He announced that he was going to sit outside for a bit to clear his headache and everyone laughed, encouraging him to go out and to be safe. So Changkyun went outside and sat down on the curb as he pressed his fingers to his temples in an attempt to soothe the dizziness. He didn’t notice that Hoseok followed him out until he, too, sat down on the curb, right next to Changkyun. 

“Here,” Hoseok said and Changkyun opened his eyes to find a green tea candy in Hoseok’s outstretched hand. “It helps with the headaches. Well, it helps me at least.”

Changkyun smiled up at him. “Thanks,” he replied, unwrapping the candy and gratefully tossing it into his mouth. The bitterness did seem to help clear his mind a bit.

“Hey, so,” Hoseok began, clearing his throat nervously, “I wanted to talk to you about something. About Kihyun.”

The second Kihyun’s name was mentioned, Changkyun felt himself snap out of his haze and paying full attention. He made no movement though, opting to acknowledge Hoseok with a soft grunt. 

“We’ve been dating for a couple years. And we’ve had our ups and downs but luckily,” he chuckled, “Kihyun somehow was willing keep me after all the downs. And you know, throughout that, it dawned upon me that… hey, I really like this guy. I might even love him because even though we fight sometimes, we’ve never gone to bed mad at each other. And I think that’s so important.”

Changkyun nodded along to show that he was keeping up. Hoseok looked at him and laughed softly through his nose.

He continued, “Right now in our relationship, I think… I think we’re at a bit of a standstill. It’s not boring or anything, trust me. It’s just progressing or doing anything extraordinary and I think it’s also important in relationships to always be getting better or  _ move  _ in some sort of way. And we’re not doing that right now so I’ve decided to take the initiative, I guess you could say.”

_ They’re breaking up. _ Changkyun thought immediately.  _ Oh no, Hoseok wants to break with Kihyun. _ He could feel Hoseok’s arms shaking nervously next to him and he could only think of the worst possible situation. With his eyes trained on the street in front of him, Changkyun waited anxiously for what Hoseok would say.

Hoseok took a deep breath in through his nostrils and let it out slowly. “Changkyun,” he said, his voice warm. “I wanted to ask for your permission to marry Kihyun.” 

Chankyun’s eyes opened wide as he snapped his head over to stare at Hoseok. It resulted in a minor migraine, but he was too shocked to care. “What?” he asked softly.

Hoseok smiled at him. “I would like to ask for Kihyun’s hand in marriage. I’ve already asked for his parents’ blessing. It’s just you now.”

Swallowing with some difficulty, Changkyun stammered, “W-Why me? Why do you need my permission?”

“Because you’re important to him, Changkyun. He talks about you like you’re the sun or something,” he chuckled. “And if I don’t get your approval, I won’t ask him to marry me. If you don’t think I’m the one for Kihyun then… yeah, it’ll suck, but I’ll respect it.” 

“You want to…  _ marry  _ Kihyun?” he whispered.

Hoseok nodded, his eyes shaking in nervousness. “Yeah. I’d really, really like to marry him.”

Changkyun wanted to tell him no. He wanted to say that he couldn’t ask Kihyun to marry him — not until he at least graduated college and could compete for Kihyun’s heart. Kihyun couldn’t get married. Not until Changkyun had finally grown up and could maybe hold his hand without feeling like a little kid. So Changkyun wanted to yell, to whisper, to say no because Kihyun was still married to him after all these years with that little tin foil ring made from candy wrapping.

But despite that, he found himself slowly nodding, his hand reaching over to hold Hoseok’s carefully as he said, “Well… you’ve got my blessing, Hoseok, so you better propose to him. I know Kihyun would want that.”

Hoseok’s eyes nearly filled with joyful tears as he pulled Changkyun into a tight embrace full of affection. He even had the grace to thank him and Changkyun’s heart couldn’t have torn more if he wanted it to. 

When Hoseok insisted they go back into the club to finish partying, Changkyun denied him, saying that he still needed some more time to clear his headache. It took some convincing but Hoseok ultimately let him be, heading back into the club himself where Changkyun was sure Kihyun was waiting for him with open arms.

He cried that night. He’d blame it on the alcohol later but for now, he would keep crying until the bitter candy in his mouth turned slightly sweeter.

  
  
  
  
  


Kihyun was absolutely glowing at his engagement party, his cheeks flushed and his eyes sparkling so brightly. Changkyun thought he looked beautiful. But nothing prepared him for the way Kihyun looked when he walked down the aisle of his wedding. Changkyun was standing right up at the altar, right next to Minhyuk who was the best man. There was a murmur amongst the crowd as Kihyun radiated but there was no one who was more in awe than Hoseok. He had started crying as soon as he saw Kihyun appear in his all white suit and Changkyun and Hoseok’s best man, Hyunwoo, were right beside him, to give him reassuring pats on the back as they laughed and told him to suck his tears up.

“That’s your man walking towards you,” Hyunwoo said, clapping him on the back strongly. “And every second you spend crying is another second you miss looking at him.”

Changkyun didn’t remember Hyunwoo to be this supportive, he thought as he rubbed Hoseok’s arm comfortingly. He whispered his encouragements, telling Hoseok to dry his tears so he could look at Kihyun when he married him. 

Hoseok sniffed quickly, wiping his tears away with the backs of his hands, much to the adoration and amusement of the guests there. Kihyun was grinning, almost laughing, at him as he stopped right in front of him. He bowed to Hoseok’s parents respectfully before turning to stand tall and proud in front of his soon-husband-to-be. 

The wedding seemed to pass by in a sentimental blur. Changkyun couldn’t remember much except when he gave the ring to Kihyun for him to slip onto Hoseok’s hand and when they were officially pronounced as husbands. They kissed each other sweetly and the entire wedding party erupted into a chorus of cheers. Changkyun yelled and smiled so hard, he felt that his face might have broken.

At twenty-three, Changkyun had finally given Kihyun away.

  
  
  
  
  


The reception had been wild. Tasteful, sentimental and precious, but also wild. Changkyun remembered the beginning of the night pretty well. Many people were lined up to give speeches, some recounting their version of Hoseok and Kihyun’s love story, some stating about how Hoseok and Kihyun were their own brand of love and some sincerely asking them to take care of each other and to love each other forever. All the best wishes were sent the newlyweds way. Hyunwoo had ended the speeches, retelling the awkward story of how they dated in high school and how he was happy that it was Hoseok who married him. Changkyun had smiled because he had finished his speech by proposing to Minhyuk on the spot and it sent everyone into an excited flurry once again. Kihyun planted a kiss on Minhyuk’s cheek in congratulations.

Their first dance had been warm and sweet. Changkyun admired the way they rested their foreheads together, stepping to the music like no one else was around. And then after that, Hoseok had serenaded him embarrassingly and Changkyun thought he might have combusted from the second hand embarrassment. 

It was only after they cut the cake and started popping open bottles of champagne that Changkyun really began forgetting the night. All he could remember was heading out to the dance floor with friends and turning up to ane exceptionally good DJ. The lights, the music and the alcohol became a blur and sometime after eleven, Changkyun had to go to the outdoor bar to get himself a glass of ginger-ale. 

It was so much quieter outside, the thumping bass of the music only a small, dull thud. The garden outside the reception hall was so beautiful, lit with small white lights and accented with sheer fabric decorations, Changkyun probably could have spent hours there alone if he wasn’t planning to head back in and party some more. 

Crickets chirped in tune as he sat himself down at the outdoor barstool next to someone he didn’t know. Probably someone who came from Hoseok’s side. 

“One ginger-ale, please,” he told the bartender. He waited patiently as he massaged his temples. He needed to get better at drinking.

The man next to him looked over curiously. “You drink too much already too?”

Changkyun rested his elbow on the bar counter and chuckled. “Yeah, a little. You?”

The stranger smiled. “Me too.” 

“Thanks,” Changkyun told the bartender as a glass of ginger-ale was placed in front of him.

“A ginger-ale?” the stranger asked.

“Yeah,” Changkyun shrugged. “Trying not to get totally trashed before the night is over. What are you drinking out here by yourself?”

The other shrugged and swirled his drink around boredly in his cup. “Something strong. Cause I love Hoseok enough to see him happy but it still kind of hurts.” He sighed. “So pathetic.”

Changkyun laughed lightly, bring his drink up to his lips. “Not so pathetic,” he sympathized. “I know how you feel.”

The stranger glanced over. “Kihyun?” 

“Yeah.”

He snorted. “I had a feeling.” He laughed then. “It’s funny, you know? I had been there for Hoseok for ages and he always called me beautiful and stuff. But then he only admired me as a friend. I can’t even get angry at him because he landed someone else that was perfect.”

“Hey,” Changkyun told him jokingly, “at least he knew you liked him. Or at least even entertained the thought of being with you.”

The stranger stared at him for a second before quirking a smile and turning back to his drink. “That’s rough.” 

Changkyun laughed. “Yup.” 

It was weird thinking of these feelings so lightly. When Changkyun used to think about them, all he could feel was hurt and even a little bit of resentment. But now he felt so light, so free as he sipped his drink. It was like all those feelings had finally lifted off his shoulders and he didn’t even mind. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts when a small voice whispered his name from a little bit a ways. Turning his head to search around, he spotted Kihyun beckoning towards him from the deeper into the garden, his eyes bright with something Changkyun didn’t recognize. He glanced at the stranger next to him to see if he saw, but he still seemed to be focused in his own little bubble. 

“I’ll… be right back,” he muttered to the other, leaving his drink behind as he hopped off the stool and jogged past some tall hedges towards Kihyun.

Kihyun was standing next to a quiet little fountain, looking as wonderful as ever in his suit that was still pristine after all the dancing. The bushes rustled softly in the wind as he stopped in front of him.

“Hey,” Kihyun said with a grin, looking up at him affectionately.

“Hi,” Changkyun replied with a smile. “Where’s Hoseok?”

Kihyun shrugged casually. “He’s… watching some snails or something.”

“What did you call me over fo—”

Chankyun’s sentence was cut short as Kihyun threw his arms around him, hugging him tightly and closely like Changkyun had always wanted. His hands were tightening in his suit as Changkyun slowly raised his arms up to return the hug. It was quiet like that for a few moments, nothing but the sound of splashing water and crickets between them.

“Kihyun…?” Changkyun asked after a pause. “Kihyun,” he chuckled, “what brought this on?”

“Thanks,” Kihyun whispered in his ear. “Thanks for being here for me all these years. Thanks for being the one thing in my life that always stayed true to me. Thank you so much for all the memories, Changkyun. I’m so thankful for you.” He pulled away with the brightest grin Changkyun had ever seen. “ _ Thank _ you.”

Changkyun blushed warmly as he smiled down at his feet. “You don’t need to thank me, Kihyun.”

It was quiet like that again as Kihyun stared at him intently, as if waiting for him to say something. Changkyun cleared his throat then a nostalgic smile forming on his lips.

“You know, Kihyun. I love you. A lot,” he chuckled. Just the pure exhilaration from finally saying something akin to a confession seemed to be elating him. “I just. I want you to know that I’m always going to be here for you. Because I love you lots. And I always will.” 

Kihyun laughed at him. His laugh positively twinkled in the night air and Changkyun only felt confused. Kihyun kept laughing at him though as he placed his hands on Changkyun’s shoulders and leaned in to kiss him.

It was nothing romantic like out of the movies or even sad like in the books. It was just short, sweet and full of affection, like how family members would kiss one another. It didn’t last more than even half a second he didn’t even get to close his eyes before it ended, but Changkyun felt his heart swell up from just that.

“Ki… Kihyun?!”

Kihyun smiled at him warmly and cheekily said, “If that was your roundabout way of telling me you used to have a crush on me then you can save it. I’m not stupid, Changkyunie.”

Changkyun’s eyes widened. “You…?! You knew?!” he exclaimed, scandalized.

“Of course I knew silly!” Kihyun sang, reaching up to pinch his cheek, laughing as Changkyun swatted his hand away. His voice softened then. “I always knew.”

“Then… Then why—”

“Because I’m not the one for you,” Kihyun told him gently. He reached out and squeezed Changkyun’s fingers. “And I know you can be happier with someone else.” 

He didn’t say anything more after that but Changkyun felt like his was floating. Kihyun giggled at him and pulled him into one last hug.

“Kihyun!”

They pulled away from each other to find that Hoseok was looking at them from the end of the row of hedges, smiling fondly. 

“Hey,” he called. “I’m done watching snails so… if you’d like to accompany me back to the reception, I would really like that.”

Kihyun grinned at him, his eyes radiating stars. “Coming!” But before he stepped away, he reached into his suit pocket and pulled out one of those damned green candies and placed it into Changkyun’s hand. “I also knew you didn’t like these,” he said with a wink. “But… for old times’ sake. Okay?”

Changkyun nodded slowly as Kihyun walked off to join hands with Hoseok, rejoining the party inside. “Okay,” he whispered after him.

He looked after Kihyun wistfully but felt the slight hint of sadness melt away as he took in a deep breath. It was going to be alright. He didn’t need to worry about Kihyun anymore. Hoseok would take care of him. And he knew Hoseok would take care of him well.

So yeah, he supposed he didn’t end up marrying Kihyun like his six-year-old self had wanted and he didn’t have a big crush on him like he used to, but that didn’t make their times together any less special. If anything they were times to be cherished and held dear and Changkyun was sure that one day, he and Kihyun would look back on all of those memories with warm smiles and laugh even more about them someday. The past didn’t taste like bitter green tea candies anymore. No, they only looked like green candies. Little memories wrapped up in shining foil to forever sit in Changkyun’s pockets as he got older. 

He laughed at himself as he retook his seat back at the outdoor bar. The ice in his ginger-ale had melted and the cup was wet from condensation but it didn’t matter. 

“You look like you just won the lottery,” the stranger next to him said. He was still sitting there, staring at him curiously. “I’d love to celebrate with you but I think I drank too much.” 

Changkyun smiled at him and let out a small chuckle. “That’s alright. My name is Changkyun, by the way. I grew up with Kihyun.”

The stranger looked over and glanced him over before slowly saying, “My name’s Hyungwon. I went to school with Hoseok.”

“Funny thing, isn’t it? How we can stand by someone so long and still stay only by their side at the end. I guess it’s kind of bittersweet.” Changkyun grinned up at the sky and laughed. “But that doesn’t mean they’ll mean anything less to us. Or that we’ll mean anything less to them.”

Hyungwon stared at him with furrowed brows and confused eyes. He sighed and pressed his fingers onto his pressure points. “Listen, Changkyun, was it? I’d love to sit here and create a grand theory about life with you but I feel a migraine coming on and it’s not going to be pretty.”

Changkyun looked down at his own palm where the green tea candy still sat. Without a moment’s hesitation, he stretched his arm out to Hyungwon’s side and said, “Here. I heard these help with that.”

Hyungwon stared at the candy in his hand and took it reluctantly. “That’s exactly what Hoseok says,” he grumbled as he placed the candy in his mouth. He immediately grimaced, his eyes squeezing shut close then open. “I hate the taste of green tea candy.”

“Don’t worry,” Changkyun told him, “so do I.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a kiho girl but my changkyun feels have been thru the roof lately  
> i really hope you liked it! i actually had a great time writing it! 
> 
> also i wrote this while on a road trip with like 0 wifi but then my car windows were shattered by thieves and they stole my laptop sO  
> had to rewrite it lmao rip 
> 
> anyways i hope u enjoyed it :)) im sorry changkyun i love u


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